The topic of healing is something we hear about a lot… We especially hear people telling others, “Heal, heal, heal,” but what exactly do we want to heal? Why do I need to heal? What does healing really mean? What is the process? Let’s go question by question.
What exactly do we want to heal?
When we speak of emotional healing, we are referring to different types of wounds, whether they are emotional, psychological, or traumas.
Why do I have to heal these wounds? Although the answer might seem obvious, for many, it isn’t… It’s because wounds hurt, they cause discomfort, and they become obstacles to our growth and development as beings who are here to evolve.
What does Healing mean?
Healing is recognizing patterns in our lives that generate internal chaos, so we can take action on them, resolve our internal conflicts, strip them of their power, and continue our existence accompanied by more pleasant emotions like inner peace, fulfillment, and harmony.
Understanding the Wounds 🔍
For me, the simplest way to explain and understand emotional healing is by using an analogy between our emotional wounds and our physical wounds.
If I have a cut on a finger or my hand, what happens? It hurts, it’s uncomfortable, and it prevents me from doing my daily activities without feeling that pain. Every time I make certain movements, the wound is activated, and it hurts.
What happens if I do nothing to heal that cut? Or worse, if I touch it all the time and pick off the scab every time it forms?
The wound won’t heal; it will get infected, it will grow, and complications will arise.
The same thing happens with our emotional and psychological wounds. If I don’t treat them, they will keep hurting, and I run the risk of them becoming somatized; eventually turning into a chronic illness.
The main difference is that physical wounds are easier to detect and locate; it’s obvious we have them, where they are, and how they happened. Emotional wounds, however, can be tricky. Often we feel pain or discomfort but don’t understand exactly why or where it comes from. We sense something is wrong, but we can’t pinpoint what it is.
Returning to the hand-cut example: What must I do for it to heal? First, I have to study it, observe the wound, and how it happened. Is it deep? Is it superficial? Does it need a doctor? This helps me determine the right treatment so I can go back to using my hand without pain.
Similarly, to heal emotional wounds, we must first bring them to consciousness. We must recognize they exist, that they hurt, and that if we don’t heal them, they will keep interfering with our lives. The first step is always recognition.
How to Recognize Emotional Wounds?
Recognizing our wounds requires introspection. We need to observe our lives and look for situations that generate internal chaos; moments where emotions feel out of control or affect us deeply.
This isn’t easy because many of us have internalized our wounds so much that we’ve normalized them, thinking, “That’s just how life is.” Well, I’m here to tell you that life can be different.
One of the most useful tools to categorize and understand the origin of our emotional pain is the work of psychotherapist Lise Bourbeau. In her book “The Five Wounds That Prevent You From Being Yourself,” she proposes five main wounds formed during childhood:
- The Rejection Wound: A feeling of not being wanted, leading to low self-esteem and a deep fear of rejection. We might avoid doing what we truly desire just to avoid being rejected. In daily life, this can look like.
– Avoiding applying for a job because you think “they won’t choose you.
– Not expressing your opinions in a group for fear that people won’t like what you say.
– Feeling uncomfortable when you receive a compliment and downplaying its importance. - The Abandonment Wound: The sensation of being alone or unsupported. This often leads to a fear of loneliness, codependency, and toxic relationships. In daily life this can look like:
– Feeling distressed if someone takes a long time to respond to a message-
– Staying in a relationship that is not good for you out of fear of being alone-
– Feeling a constant need for external validation. - The Humiliation Wound: Formed when we were ridiculed or degraded. In adulthood, this turns into masochistic behaviors where we unconsciously seek out situations that reactivate this shame. In daily life this could look like:
– Making jokes about yourself to “beat” the ridicule before it happens.
– Feeling intense shame when you make a minor mistake.
– Avoiding new activities for fear of not doing them well in front of others. - The Betrayal Wound: A feeling that we cannot trust anyone. We are always waiting for the next “hit,” making it difficult to form healthy, deep connections. Examples:
– Constantly checking for “warning signs” in a relationship, even when everything is going well.
– Having difficulty delegating because “no one will do it as well as you.
– Suspecting the intentions of others without clear evidence. - The Injustice Wound: The sensation of being overlooked or ignored. This often manifests as rigidity or extreme perfectionism. Examples of daily life:
– Getting irritated when others don’t follow your standards or your way of doing things.
– Feeling upset when things don’t go exactly as you planned.
– Being hard on yourself when you don’t achieve perfection.
For those interested in starting their path to healing and delving deeper into these wounds, I highly recommend reading that book; it is a good start.
🔑 Active Treatment: Tools for Healing
Once the wounds are recognized, you can choose practices that favor their integration and healing:
1. Fostering Awareness and Introspection
- Ask yourself questions, question your life, self-evaluate. The basis of healing is self-observation.
- Meditation: For me, meditation is one of the most powerful healing tools. Through it, we foster self-knowledge and self-observation, which are essential for recognizing harmful patterns in our lives. Furthermore, meditation regulates our nervous system and promotes homeostasis. (the body’s internal harmony).
- Journaling and Therapeutic Writing: The simple act of writing down what you feel without judging it helps to take the chaos out of your mind and see it objectively. You can practice free writing or use the Unsent Letter technique to release repressed emotions directed at a person or situation from the past.
- Record yourself expressing yourself: If writing is difficult for you, you can try recording yourself on video (or just your voice) talking to yourself and expressing how you feel. It’s just as liberating as writing. Over time, you can review your recordings and see how you’ve progressed.
2. Somatic Healing (Body-Mind)
- Somatic Movement Therapies: This approach is vital for releasing trauma and emotions that were “frozen” in our body (a concept you can explore in the book The Body Keeps the Score).
- Through practices like Somatic Yoga, Dance Therapy, Ecstatic Dance, Neurogenic Tremor Release (TRE), or Somatic Experiencing (SE), we move our body consciously. This fosters the connection with the physical body, mind, and emotions, allowing tension and stored emotions to be released.
- Through practices like Somatic Yoga, Dance Therapy, Ecstatic Dance, Neurogenic Tremor Release (TRE), or Somatic Experiencing (SE), we move our body consciously. This fosters the connection with the physical body, mind, and emotions, allowing tension and stored emotions to be released.
- Music: Music has the power to access emotional layers that words sometimes can’t reach. It helps us feel, release, and also regulate our nervous system. We don’t always need the same kind of music: there are times to delve into what hurts, others to integrate and let go, and still others simply to rest from the chaos and return to calm.
I’m sharing some playlists that have accompanied my own healing processes. Use them as support, listening with presence and allowing yourself to feel whatever arises, without forcing anything and respecting your own rhythm.
Listen to the one that resonates with you right now; there’s no right order.
🎧 Playlist 1 — For navigating intense emotions
Music for moments when you need to allow yourself to feel without filters. It accompanies processes of introspection, grief, and emotional release. It’s not lighthearted, but it can be profoundly healing if you give yourself the space to listen with presence.
🎧 Playlist 2 — Healing – Music for the soul
Music that invites you to integrate your experiences, let go of what no longer serves you, and reconnect with the beauty and loving energy of life. Ideal for when your heart needs gentleness, openness, and emotional rest.
🎧 Playlist 3 — Returning to calm
Music to regulate the nervous system, quiet the mind, and emerge from a state of chaos. It accompanies moments of rest, meditation, or when you simply need to return to your center.
3. External Support
Formal Psychological Therapy: It is important to recognize that for deep wounds or complex traumas, the guidance of a professional is an act of strength. A therapist can support you with guided methods such as EMDR or Internal Family Systems (IFS) Therapy. Seeking external help is part of the healing process.
Recommended Books: Reading is a great complement to understanding and deepening the process.
- It Didn’t Start with You, by Mark Wolynn
- The Body Keeps the Score, by Dr. Bessel van der Kolk
- You Are the One You’ve Been Waiting For, by Richard Schwartz.
- A Course in Miracles. (My favorite, and the one that has been most significant in my life)
✨ Conclusion: The First Step is the Bravest
Healing is not a destination, but a continuous process that requires courage and awareness. It is actively choosing to stop picking at the emotional wound’s scab to allow it to finally heal.
We have covered the route: recognize (the pain), name (the wounds), and act (with the tools). Remember that every time you choose to observe instead of reacting, write instead of repressing, or allow your body to move to release tension, you are taking a giant step toward the fulfillment and inner peace you deserve. Personal evolution is our purpose, and healing is simply the map.
Today, which of these tools will you use to start or continue your journey? Your well-being is in your hands, and the first step is always the bravest.
