The topic of healing is something we hear about a lot… We especially hear people telling others, “Heal, heal, heal,” but what exactly do we want to heal? Why do I need to heal? What does healing really mean? What is the process? Let’s go question by question.
What exactly do we want to heal?
When we speak of emotional healing, we are referring to different types of wounds, whether they are emotional, psychological, or traumas.
Why do I have to heal these wounds? Although the answer might seem obvious, for many, it isn’t… It’s because wounds hurt, they cause discomfort, and they become obstacles to our growth and development as beings who are here to evolve.
What does Healing mean?
Healing is recognizing patterns in our lives that generate internal chaos, so we can take action on them, resolve our internal conflicts, strip them of their power, and continue our existence accompanied by more pleasant emotions like inner peace, fulfillment, and harmony.
Understanding the Wounds 🔍
For me, the simplest way to explain and understand emotional healing is by using an analogy between our emotional wounds and our physical wounds.
If I have a cut on a finger or my hand, what happens? It hurts, it’s uncomfortable, and it prevents me from doing my daily activities without feeling that pain. Every time I make certain movements, the wound is activated, and it hurts.
What happens if I do nothing to heal that cut? Or worse, if I touch it all the time and pick off the scab every time it forms?
The wound won’t heal; it will get infected, it will grow, and complications will arise.
The same thing happens with our emotional and psychological wounds. If I don’t treat them, they will keep hurting, and I run the risk of them becoming somatized; eventually turning into a chronic illness.
The main difference is that physical wounds are easier to detect and locate; it’s obvious we have them, where they are, and how they happened. Emotional wounds, however, can be tricky. Often we feel pain or discomfort but don’t understand exactly why or where it comes from. We sense something is wrong, but we can’t pinpoint what it is.
Returning to the hand-cut example: What must I do for it to heal? First, I have to study it, observe the wound, and how it happened. Is it deep? Is it superficial? Does it need a doctor? This helps me determine the right treatment so I can go back to using my hand without pain.
Similarly, to heal emotional wounds, we must first bring them to consciousness. We must recognize they exist, that they hurt, and that if we don’t heal them, they will keep interfering with our lives. The first step is always recognition.
How to Recognize Emotional Wounds?
Recognizing our wounds requires introspection. We need to observe our lives and look for situations that generate internal chaos; moments where emotions feel out of control or affect us deeply.
This isn’t easy because many of us have internalized our wounds so much that we’ve normalized them, thinking, “That’s just how life is.” Well, I’m here to tell you that life can be different.
One of the most useful tools to categorize and understand the origin of our emotional pain is the work of psychotherapist Lise Bourbeau. In her book “The Five Wounds That Prevent You From Being Yourself,” she proposes five main wounds formed during childhood:
- The Rejection Wound: A feeling of not being wanted, leading to low self-esteem and a deep fear of rejection. We might avoid doing what we truly desire just to avoid being rejected. In daily life, this can look like.
– Avoiding applying for a job because you think “they won’t choose you.
– Not expressing your opinions in a group for fear that people won’t like what you say.
– Feeling uncomfortable when you receive a compliment and downplaying its importance. - The Abandonment Wound: The sensation of being alone or unsupported. This often leads to a fear of loneliness, codependency, and toxic relationships. In daily life this can look like:
– Feeling distressed if someone takes a long time to respond to a message-
– Staying in a relationship that is not good for you out of fear of being alone-
– Feeling a constant need for external validation. - The Humiliation Wound: Formed when we were ridiculed or degraded. In adulthood, this turns into masochistic behaviors where we unconsciously seek out situations that reactivate this shame. In daily life this could look like:
– Making jokes about yourself to “beat” the ridicule before it happens.
– Feeling intense shame when you make a minor mistake.
– Avoiding new activities for fear of not doing them well in front of others. - The Betrayal Wound: A feeling that we cannot trust anyone. We are always waiting for the next “hit,” making it difficult to form healthy, deep connections. Examples:
– Constantly checking for “warning signs” in a relationship, even when everything is going well.
– Having difficulty delegating because “no one will do it as well as you.
– Suspecting the intentions of others without clear evidence. - The Injustice Wound: The sensation of being overlooked or ignored. This often manifests as rigidity or extreme perfectionism. Examples of daily life:
– Getting irritated when others don’t follow your standards or your way of doing things.
– Feeling upset when things don’t go exactly as you planned.
– Being hard on yourself when you don’t achieve perfection.
For those interested in starting their path to healing and delving deeper into these wounds, I highly recommend reading that book; it is a good start.
✨ Conclusion: Recognizing the Wound is the Beginning
Healing isn’t a destination you reach overnight, but a continuous process that requires immense courage and awareness. Simply getting this far, looking inward, and acknowledging that some wounds still ache is the first major step in your personal evolution.
We’ve covered the first part of the journey: understanding the chaos, observing the pain, and naming those five childhood wounds. But knowing the wound exists is only half the battle. To prevent the wound from becoming infected and to allow it to heal, we need to apply treatment.
👉 Ready to take action? In the second part of this article, I’ll share my personal first-aid kit: the somatic practices, books, and even the music playlists I use to integrate these wounds and release stagnant emotions.
[🔗 Click here to read Part 2: Tools for Healing and Active Treatment]
